Nazis at the Center of a State of Confusion

The center of the earth is getting so crowded these days. I mean, there’s a whole compound of Nazis right under th- oh, wait. That’s just the plot to Asylum’s 2012 movie, Nazis at the Center of the Earth.

In all honesty, I don’t even know where to start with this one. It’s pretty much everything you’d expect from a movie with that as its title. Really, I just wanted to bring it to the attention of those who haven’t seen or heard of it. But, I suppose I can scrounge up a few talking points about it.

1. The Scenery

So, the movie begins in Antarctica, where a team of scientists are hard at work. But then, we get the Nazi compound under the ice and boy, is that a piece of work. Pretty much, it looks like an empty stage on a back lot that had been abandoned. So, dismal would be the best description.

2. The Acting

For the most part, it’s not too great. Then again, many (read: most) of the actors who appear in the film are unknowns. Just some kids looking to get their start in the world of acting. There are three scenes that stuck with me after I watched this movie. (I’m only going to mention two here, because the third has to do with another topic.)

The first scene that reflects the poor acting is when several of the characters are repelling down a sheer cliff-face. Now, when we see someone repelling, be it in real life or on TV, you watch them swing a bit. It’s not just a straight one and done hop to get to where they’re going. Unfortunately, I don’t think the cast of Nazis was informed of this. They literally bounce across the screen. I mean, okay. So it’s obvious that the scene was filmed on flat ground and then flipped sideways to give the affect that they were repelling down the cliff. But it lost any authenticity when I noticed that their ropes weren’t hanging in the right direction. By this I mean that, instead of the cables hanging towards their chests as they went backwards down the cliff, the ropes hung towards their feet, meaning that gravity was pulling them towards the ground. It was kind of a riot to watch, though, I have to admit.

As for the second scene I mentioned, I laughed even harder than when the cliff one was on-screen. Two characters had been thrown into a cell. They huddled together for safety until one of the Nazis came to get them. As the male character was dragged away, the female character threw herself to her knees, reached out her hand, and cried, “Nooooo!” It was every stereotypical “woman at a loss” scene you’ve ever thought about. The camera pulled back and the door was slammed in her face, cutting off her cry. It was just beyond belief because it was one of those things that people make fun of when it comes to movies.

3. The Costumes/Makeup

(Just a warning, I reference a scene from the movie in question that is graphic in nature. Reader discretion is advised.)

In my personal and most humble opinion, the costumes used in the film were sub-par. They looked like they had been purchased at I Party or any other store you can buy Halloween costumes at. Heck, I’ve personally seen a kid make a Nazi uniform out of his ROTC gear and some duct tape.

And as for the makeup, my quarrel with it comes from the scene where one of the characters has his face ripped off. Like, literally ripped off. He’s tied down to a gurney and there’s this doctor (read: torturer) who just cuts across the guy’s forehead, grabs a hold of the skin there, and pulls down. It’s totally gross. But the sad thing is, it just looks like paint. There’s no muscle definition (that I could see. If someone else watches it and thinks differently, then yeah. You think differently.) and there’s no real blood flow. That’s what the paint is for, yes, but I would have expected blood to be dripping down in rivulets because there was just so much of it.

So, how does Nazis at the Center of the Earth stand up – sink or swim? Total sink. The quality is just not there, but I suppose you don’t watch a movie with a title like the one given for its quality. But like I said in my last post with the documentary about mermaids, if you want to watch something when there are no other options, then this might be a contender. The sheer ridiculousness that was this movie had me laughing the majority of the time I spent watching it.

So, I guess that’s it. Like I said in the beginning, I’m not exactly sure what to say. There’s a link to the trailer for Nazis at the Center of the Earth because I’m not linking an illegal copy of the movie on here. Enjoy that for now and if you like the looks of it, rent it. Yup. [Insert witty closing remark here.]


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